‘The Big Over Easy’ is the latest book written by Jasper Fforde, well-known for his Thursday Next series. In this new series, he bases his story on Detective Jack Spratt and his second-in-command, Mary Mary of the Nursery Crime Division. Yeap, nursery crimes… they deal with crimes such as:
- Bo Peep reporting losing another sheep…
- who pushed Humpty Dumpty over the wall? And interestingly, the big egg’s full name is: Humperdinck Jehoshaphat Aloysius Stuyvesant van Dumpty. hohoho…
- the GingerBreadman, a serial killer who rips his victims limb by limb apart and is now detained in the secure wing of the incurably unhinged at the St. Cerebellum asylum
- did the Wolff attempt to break into the 3 pigs’ house? or did the 3 pigs’ actually plan to boil Mr. Wolff by placing a huge cauldron of water under the chimney… which took up to 6 hours to boil?

Here’s an excerpt (lets you have a taste of the author’s writing):

FLAUTIST’S SON JAILED FOR PIG-STEALING. Tom Thomm, son of Reading Philharmonic’s noted solo flautist, was finally convicted of serial pig theft yesterday. ‘I don’t know what comes over me,’ said Thomm when asked to account for his actions, ‘I just see a pig, this pink veil falls over my eyes and next thing I know I’ve grabbed it and I’m off. I don’t even like pork - I’m a vegetarian.’ The judge heard that Thomm had been a serial pig stealer for some years, having grabbed a total of 2,341 porkers since he was twelve. In his summing-up, Mr Justice Cutlett told him: ‘Despite numerous court orders to attend compulsive behaviour disorder realignment sessions, you are still unable to control your urges. I have no choice but to detain you for two years.’ Several pigs who attended court were said to be ‘overjoyed at the outcome’.
- extract from The Reading Mercury, 18 July 1990

And another one! I lurve how creative the author is!

NAIL SOUP FAD SPREADS. The popularity of Nail Soup continues to spread across Reading this week with the news that Smileyburger has added ‘Nailburger’ to its product list and the makers of Cup-a-soup, Pot Noodle and Walker’s Crisps are introducing ‘Nail flavour’ to their product lines. The tasty and healthy concoction that consists only of a nail and hot water has baffled nutritionists and scientists for some months. ‘It’s very odd, ‘ declared a leading food expert yesterday, ‘but the nutritional benefits of nail soup are indisputable - yet a nail and hot water should be no more nutritious than hot water with a nail in it - which isn’t nutritious at all. I have to admit it’s got us stumped.’ Despite the confusion of the scientific community, the tasty snack continues to find favour with young and old alike, many of whom have improved upon the original recipe with a few garnishings of their own such as salt, pepper, potatoes, cabbages, leeks, carrots, lentils and chopped bacon.
- extract from The Reading Mercury, 4 Jan 1984

now, someone should recomment me more of such creative writings!

any suggestions?