Through the pages...April 30, 2006 10:53 pm

This is going to be a ’short’ post of nearly everything.

When I first started reading the book, I found it hard to ‘get into’. Requires at least an hour of serious reading to get into the whole ‘thing’. But it’s quite a marvellous work! Don’t know how much time Bryson took to research everything! It gives in great detail how we progress through the ages… from the creation of the universe to the intricacies of archaelogy and all the way to the realm of quantum physics… and more… I’m astonished at the huge amoun t of information in this book, it is more of an encyclopaedia than a novel!

I noticed that a recurrent theme in his work is an awareness of how vast the universe is… and how small we all are. Despite the seemingly insignificance of one person in this vast vast long history of the universe, and how relentless the tide of time seems, this book is extremely encouraging because it tells us how one person is able to change so much in this world. To bring more understanding of everything around us, and to lead to the thousand and one inventions us descendants now enjoy. Rutherford, Darwin, Planck, Bohr… I wonder whether I’d someday be able to do something so great that some people will remember me for it. Heh heh heh.

In order to allow non-scientific persons to understand just how vast the universe was and how rare a supernova is, Bryson asked us to imagine…

“a standard dining-room table covered in a black tablecloth and throwing a handful of salt across it. The scattered grains can be though of as a galaxy. Now imagine fifteen hundred more tables like the first one - enough to make a single line two miles long - each with a random array of salt across it. Now add one grain of salt to any table and let Bob Evans walk among them. At a glance he will spot it. That grain of salt is the supernova.”

And another one, which i personally liked best - on Avogadro’s number

“Chemistry students have long amused themselves by computing just how large a number it is, so I can report that it is equivalent to the number of popcorn kernels needed to cover the United States to a depth of nine miles, or cupfuls of water in the Pacific Ocean, or soft-drink cans that would, evenly stacked, cover the Earth to a depth of two hundred miles. An equivalent number of American pennies would be enough to make every person on Earth a dollar trillionaire. It is a big number.”

I like his theory of how atoms are being recycled and perhaps, we just might be made up of an atom of some famous person in the past!

Every atom you possess has almost certainly passed through several stars and been part of millions of organisms on its way to becoming you. We are each so atomically numerous and so vigorously recycled at death that a significant nymber of our atoms - up to a billion for each of us, it has been suggested - probably once belonged to Shakespeare. A billion more each came from Buddha and Genghis Khan and Beethoven, and any other historical figure you care to name. (The personages have to be historical, apparently, as it takes the atoms some decades to become thoroughly redistributed; however much you may wish it, you are not yet one with Elvis Presley.)

Here, I’d also like to highlight the humurous and unique way Bryson has for making analogies. :) And it’s too bad I don’t contain a couple of Dalí’s atoms. Heh.

History is studded with amazing accounts of great men who’ve risked their lives in their pursuit for knowledge. To have subjected themselves to oxygen toxicity and radiation exposure, in order that mankind may benefit from their findings. Many literally sacrificed themselves in the name of science. I salute all these great men (and women)!!!

Ooh and then I found out that Homo sapiens means ‘man the thinker’. So apt! Interesting… A theory that really got me thinking was how man seems to place himself at the centre of the universe. We think that we are the top of the food chain, with the best brains, and we’re the culmination of something great. In actual fact, we’re just bystanders in this entire humongous, overwhelming process. We’re just an ‘accident’. As Stephen Jay Gould mentioned, ‘if you replayed the tape of life - even if you ran it back only a relatively short way to the dawn of hominids - the chances are quite ‘unlikely’ that modern humans or anything like them would be here now.’

The novel ends on a sad-reflective note, highlighting the destructive nature of human beings… which might herald the next worldwide extinction, where everything would be wiped out and history would re-write itself. On the other hand, it emphasises how lucky we all are to be here, all the organisms on this planet. This one planet that we know supports life… and Bryson ends off expressing his hope that we will sustain this miracle of living for as long as possible.

Films galore 3:11 pm

Rating: *** (of 5)
Genre: Fantasy, adventure

Heard in the store…

ah sor: auntie ah, you have nanee-ah?
shop auntie: na—- what?
ah sor: there the nanee-ah lor, the 哪里啊… 有那些孩子的。。。 我的孩子说好看。。。
shop missy: oh, narnia huh…

***

Due to the constant warnings about the poor acting, spastic talking beavers, I decided to wait till the DVD was out in stores instead of spending a fortune in the cinemas…

Perhaps because of the low expectations, I was pleasantly surprised and entertained by this blockbuster. I hope it signifies the start of a successful train of sequels.

Ok, the acting wasn’t oscar-award quality, but it’s not bad… and I felt that Georgie Henley did a marvellous job portraying the awe and childlike wonder she felt when she walked into the cupboard and found winter. It made me want to experience such a thing too. Such child-like amazement, such innocence, so unspoiled by all that cynical distrust in the real world…

lucy penvesie

On second thoughts, look at all that sclera! haha like thyrotoxicocic. heh.

The story centres around four siblings - 2 brothers and 2 sisters who enter the magical world of Narnia via their eccentric uncle’s wardrobe. There, they are revered as future kings and queens of Narnia, as according to a prophecy, they would combine powers with Aslan (the lion) and free the land of Narnia from the tyrannical and cruel White Witch.

Incidentally, this White Witch had a pretty nice get-up… :)

White Witch
Jadis, White Witch of Narnia

She (Tilda Swinton) reminded me of CATE BLANCHETT in LOTR, where she became this horrifying elf queen when exposed to the ring.

With regards to the story…

Somehow, I dunno why, I kept feeling that it reminded me of the story in the bible. Perhaps it was the constant reference to Son of Adam and Daughter of Eve? Anyway, the theme of treason and treachery amongst siblings was also highlighted. In the story, Edmund betrayed his siblings to the White Witch in return for favours… Later on, there was also a scene, where Aslan (the Lion), Jesus-like, sort of bore the sins of man (Edmund) when he offered to be the sacrifice in place of Edmund… and Aslan was killed by the witch. But, the next day morning, he was resurrected. So remniscent of the bible, no? Pardon me if it’s not, I was never religious and what little I’ve learnt at Sunday school was over 15 years ago.

There is a strong emphasis on good and bad in this film. It made it a bit artificial. There’s just good and bad, there’s no grey in between… which is unnatural in our real world. Narnia is like a mini-child version of LOTR. Similar theme of good triumphing over evil, but being more simplified in terms of subplots and subtleties…

The squabbling beaver couple was a good idea for comic relief, and thank goodness, they weren’t as moronic as some of my friends put it. I thought certain parts were actually quite endearing. haha…

Finally, I’ve got to commend on whoever it was created Aslan… he is SOOOOO majestic! Beats all the lions I’ve seen in real life, or in other cartoons like Madagascar, or Lion King…

Aslan
Aslan - rightful ruler of Narnia

The pensieve - daily musingsApril 29, 2006 10:32 pm

finally got my ass off the couch and went for my art classes again!

felt quite rusty after not having done any drawing since january…

here’s what i was doing over the last two lessons:

great ocean road
great ocean road - early morning

this is the original photo (ignore the weird flash of white on the top right hand corner… just some reflection)… courtesy of ahleong, who’s got the lucky chance to visit such a FANTASTIC place. my classmates and laoshi were like praising his photo-taking skills to the sky. hrmph. so not fair.

gushing about the angulation, colours, the ‘depth’ of the photo blah blah blah…

i draw until want to die… the water, especially, was tough!

and next up is the disaster…

great ocean road sketch

i think the actual sketch looks far better than this photo, let’s blame the photographer here… haha…

the sketch below was done by my cousin… she is really 超级无敌 heheheh…

too bad QL hadn’t finish hers. she did something quite different from ours. she was drawing the carvings off the walls of the structures at Angkor Wat. verrrrry exotic…

The pensieve - daily musings 10:53 am

i’m once more drawing close to the end of another year of medical school…

let’s review the changes that have taken place this year…

with regards to medical school:
i’ve learnt quite a lot this year and progressed a mite further towards becoming a doctor, yet i still feel extremely inadequate most times, and definitely not confident of many things. i’ve come to realise that there’re so many things that are not covered at all in the textbooks. the textbooks are training us to be diagnostic-investigative-management doctors, but mostly, what we’re going to do once we graduate are to be administrators, planners, procedure-doers and mainly, expected to do a whole lot of things we weren’t taught in med school. i really hope the SIP talks and attachment itself will be useful. *gulps*

i was reading a year two.5’s blog about e-clinics, where she mentioned seeing a biopsy of a breast carcinoma… of her feelings and such, and i remembered being present at a similar incident during my e-clinics too, and feeling just like she did. but now, even if i were seeing a peritoneal tap done for someone with liver cancer, or perhaps a biopsy of a lymph node for suspected CA… the feeling is just different. it’s more of a grim acceptance of how life is just so cruel to some, and how cancer is just so common. it’s like i’ve just stopped feeling sorry for people. i guess that helps towards keeping me objective when it comes to managing the patient, but i can’t help feeling a draught of chill sweeping thru me.

with regards to patients:
had an episode of vertiginous giddiness on thursday. it was pretty mild, not accompanied by tinnitus, otalgia or nystagmus, just some nausea. but it was a really uncomfortable feeling. and i felt super irritable when being tested for nystagmus by my pals. and also being asked other questions or having my hearing tested. so now, i know very well how a patient who definitely felt worse than me that day, would feel when he/she is examined by up to THREE medical students, each of whom do the exact same thing… have to give them credit for their inmeasurable tolerance in the face of bumbling medical students…

i’m really very grateful to all these patient patients (pun intended) out there who put up with all this discomfort so that we can learn something from them! it’s good for medical personnel to fall ill once in a while and at least experience one hospital admission to have an idea of how patients feel in the hospital.

with regards to friends:
i’ve spent yet another year strengthening friendship bonds with some friends, notably those from my previous schools. i don’t think i’m a very sociable person, as can be seen from the fact that i don’t know that many people in medicine. i think i need to just open up and go with the flow more… probably be less blur and try to remember more faces and names. :(

i’m still mortally afraid and worried of being let down by friends whom i think could be lifelong bosom friends, friends that i would TRUST with almost anything… as the saying goes, ‘once bitten twice shy’. but of course, i’m not going to get all cynical and migrate up bt timah hill to become a recluse hah hah. (if i don’t talk to someone, of even myself for just ONE day, i’ll go bonkers).

anyway, still on the lookout for more 知心朋友…

with regards to character:
by now, i do know my own character better. or at least, i’m grateful i have a few friends who can tell me to the face…. things like:
- ‘ya, you’re a hard person to work with’
- ‘you worry too much’
- ‘why are you so perfectionistic, it’s stressful working with you’
- ‘omg, you’re so untidy! and you’re a gal!’
and i do know that i am inflexible, intolerant, irritable, defensive (at times), critical, mean and ok, a lot of things…

aiyo. i think i’m a really bad person. so paiseh.

*shudders* what a monster i’ve turned out to be!

with regards to family:
hmmm well i think there’s been quite a shift in family dynamics lately. i’ll have to step into my mother’s shoes soon while she takes over my dad’s, at least temporarily. my brother’s growing up and showing some criminalistic tendencies (heh.) and i’ll need to keep a close watch but slack rope control over him, lest he should rebel. haha… so my mum plays the bad cop role and i’m like the good cop… haha… boy am i in a hurry to grow up.

oh boy, how things have changed… but i hope it’s all for the better.

The pensieve - daily musingsApril 26, 2006 10:48 pm

odd. these days, i keep getting stuck in unfamiliar, uncomfortable situations during meals. everyone concentrates on their food with such vigour that i’m surprised the deader-than-dead fish doesn’t come alive again, or perhaps the soup starts boiling from the heat waves shooting out from the eyes.

it’s as if everyone has something different at the back of their minds. the lunch atmosphere is just thick with suspense… propositions, guessing and i dunno wat. or else it’s just that everyone is too tired to talk. or maybe there’s some awkwardness going on. yeah probably that. i can’t really tell what the origin of all that awkwardness is but it’s making me quite tired that i can’t really be bothered to socialise anymore.

today’s birthday dinner for my cousin was a prime example of ‘an awkward meal’. i couldn’t get certain mind baggage off my thoughts, my elder cousin was uncannily dissecting her spaghetti goreng to minuscule bits and pieces… arthur (that’s the younger cousin’s) boyfriend was wolfing down his food… dunno what happened, maybe he got starved by the birthday gal this afternoon… while the birthday gal was eating with this extremely ‘xin4 fu2′ expression on her face. heh. the miracle of love, must be.

after some lame attempts at striking up a conversation, well, it was just uncomfortable for me because i’m so used to speaking mandarin with the bday gal… but i can’t now, cuz her bf doesn’t understand mandarin… and plus i can’t nose around and ask about certain stuff with her bf PLONK right next to me…

gradually, there was just pure SILENCE. suddenly the topic shifted to politics and then arthur and my elder cousin each had their fierce remarks to make that my head just ached… and ached…

thankfully, the topic changed after a while. but i made the absolute fatal mistake of discussing a certain book with arthur…

lesson learnt: thou shalt not argue with a lawyer les thou would feel like being run over by a tractor.

and then the topic changed to one of their favourites - how i was as a kid…

OMG…. all my chou3 shi4 just gets poured out in front of an almost-stranger. x_x

i did things so terrible that i don’t even remember doing them! like going around biting everyone and leaving teeth marks that took months to fade? climbing up the window grills and getting stuck there like a pathetic caterpillar? acts of cruelty against beetle bugs at my aunt’s place? hiding in the curtains when my parents came to bring me home? seems like my childhood antics always end up as dinner conversation. :S

sent my cousins back later on…

lesson learnt: do not let teeny ride in the car unless she’s concussed or asleep, or gagged.

the elder sis kept reminding me about traffic rules and safety tips while her younger sis (the bday gal) was cheering at the back and asking me to speed up, cut lanes and in general, practice extremely offensive driving.

omg. headache… how it aches…

The pensieve - daily musingsApril 24, 2006 10:49 pm

haiz.

i feel so stupid.

like today there was this vein, that looked pretty bouncy, but dang, how come i can’t get the blood?!?!?! then i had to poke elsewhere, and also not that much blood came out, and the stupid blood CLOTTED when i just laid the tube aside to allow the suction to continue while i put on the plaster for the ah-ma… i remember i used to be much much better at blood-taking.

haiz.

and then i saw vitiligo in the clinic today, but don’t know why… there was just this humongous MENTAL block that i couldn’t remember the word VITILIGO! and dr T looked so scandalised. omg, i just want to bury myself in a pothole. at least partially saved myself by naming some causes of vitiligo.

haiz.

and my tutorials r so uneventful, and boooorrrriiing. but then can’t blame the tutor, she really put in effort and lots of time. maybe doing short cases might be better? yet i doubt it, short cases must do with tutors who are VERY anal about examination techniques, then will really improve…

haiz.

i feel like a failure as a friend. just today, i found out that a friend had kept something that happened to her from me, even though i’d asked about it. it was rather an ok time when i asked… i don’t think she would be still extremely upset about the event by then. so i’m a bit hurt why she just didn’t tell me the truth. issit cuz i’m not ‘friend’ enough… :(

haiz.

and then also found out to my utmost horror that there’ll be TWENTY TWO freaking year threes doing electives with only SIX year fours next month! omg… like that how to learn, how to clerk and how to see all those exciting procedures? unless we do permanent night duty? seriously i don’t mind. but i think maybe my grpmates will be feeling a bit buay song that i chose such a horribly popular place to do elective… sigh. and now if i suggest perm nite duty, haha… dunno how they’ll feel…. aiyo…

sheesh. feel so bad about everything. :(

The pensieve - daily musingsApril 23, 2006 10:34 pm

a very good friend who promised not to tell another person about something that happened -

- i overheard her telling the person she promised NOT to tell the entire incident, while i was in the toilet. (stupid woman, doesn’t she know walls have ears? and toilets have sooo many cubicles and walls? huh?! HUH?!)
oh boy, the betrayal… at least i confronted her there and then!

a senior to whom i looked up to, and worked hard to follow her advice -

- i overheard her making a joke out of me with another senior
the humiliation… but i can’t say anything can i? she’s my senior after all? so just let them laugh at me lah! what more can i do?

a friend i looked up to, and worked hard to learn from -

- i found out she was merely a hypocrit and a bootlicker
felt so cheated of my gan3qing2… oh well, as the saying goes, do unto others what you wish others to do unto you.

a guy i used to like -

- i overheard him making mean jokes about something i’d always been a part of and always felt pride in.
oh my… the anger! okay, at least he apologised. oh but i didn’t really acknowledge it, i was still too angry at myself for liking such a guy! no taste ah!? haha…

although i have forgiven all these people (after all, i do make very mean comments about pple), i cannot easily forget what has happened. betrayal by friends, ‘idols’ and people you like are the worst kinds of hurt. ever. and please not let me be betrayed by my boyfriend (when i do get one of course).

i’ve always found it easy to talk to others about my opinions. i can be quite straightforward, and i think one day, i am going to be sooooo stabbed in the back. although i know i don’t dare to trust people, my actions speak the opposite of my words. my biggest fear is that one day, i would put my trust in someone, and then he/she turns out unworthy of that trust… i’m such a cynical coward with severe short-sightedness.

sometimes i just feel that i’m sitting around waiting for a betrayal…

dammit.

PS: this was blogged some time ago when i was feeling extremely down. i’m ok now, but i just felt that i had to publish this anyway.

The pensieve - daily musings 7:44 pm

okay… here’s no 1.

dedicated to hypoC hahaha…

pink cab
pink cab outside NUH

i cannot imagine who would want to take this cab apart from hypoC…

then no 2. dunno what happened to make this odd pattern on the ground. looks like it was done on purpose by some aimless bangla-boy during lunch hour. heh heh.

and it’s not paint…. how was it done?

pavement graffiti
pavement graffiti

The pensieve - daily musings 2:16 pm

stiletto

Stiletto - which literally mean ‘little dagger’ in Italian, was believed to be originally invented by Italian shoemakers in the 1950s. However, the first name associated with such dagger-like heels was Roger Vivier, a Parisian. I wonder how the Italians felt about that. In 1955, he inserted a thin metal piece into the heel which made the shoes less prone to breaking. Thus, the heels could be thinner and lenghtier - which literally spells back ache, hammer toes and bunions for women out there.

These revolutionary shoes caused a fuss from day one itself.
It was quoted that “the piercing, penetrating nature of the heel caused disturbance wherever it roamed, damaging floors and in some cases the feet of others, sparking outrage and moral panic.”

It not only was physically destructive, some believed that it was a symbol of oppression for women. In the early days, it was associated with a sexy image, and worn by actors, bargirls, bunnies (erm, u know those waitresses dressed up as bunnies)…

A few decades down the road, it was supplanted by fashionable flats (you know how they say fashion is ‘cyclical’. But by the 90’s, it was back in full force again!

I guess now is a good time to go into podiatry or orthopaedics. heh.

stiletto
A Weapon of Mass Destruction

What I’m more concerned with now is… are they still putting thin metals spikes in our heels? Cuz *gulp*, it sounds awfully scary and putting my own feet at high risk of a puncture wound! Shouldn’t have thrown my last pair of heels away that quickly, or else I could break the heels open now or something.

The pensieve - daily musingsApril 20, 2006 7:34 pm

***bo huei liao lar!***

This is a very common scene in the wards… especially the geriatric or general med ones…

doc: ah pek, lai, wa tiu dam poh huei hor…
doc: ah pek, come, let me take your blood…

ah pek: har??? ai tiu huei? an zua kia lo kun chu diam diam tiu huei?
ah pek: Wat??? want to take blood again? how come you all keep taking my blood?

doc: ai ngiam huei mah… kua ler ai huei lai bin wu pai eh ming kia boh…
doc: must chk mah, see if there’s any ‘bad’ things inside…

ah pek: wa bo huei liao lar… kgnia jit tiu jin juey liao, bo huei liao… mai mai…. wa bo huei liao…
ah pek: i no more blood liao lar. yesterday taken so much already, no more liao, no no… no more blood liao…

doc: uncle… mai tiu huei ki ngiam boey sai deng chu ah!
doc: uncle… if you don’t chk blood cannot go home!

ah pek: wa jin ho! bo ga sao, bo chuan, ba tor bo tgnia la! eh sai deng chu liao.
ah pek: i am very well! no cough, no breathlessness, no stomach pain! can go home already.

doc: persists in placing tourniquet and preparing needles, then swiftly jabs needle into the veins… blood starts to ooze into the syringe

ah pek: dares not move but shows his displeasure by complaining loudly and waving the other hand. or starts to complain to another old man in the neighbouring bed bo huei liao lar! wo ga ler gong liao mah… wo ai si liao lar, tat jit tiu huei, tiu kar bo huei liao!
ah pek: no more blood liao! i tell you already ok, i am going to die liao lar, everyday take so much blood from me!

doc: syringe filled, withdraws and happily packages all the blood into their respective tubes

ah pek no2 (in the neighbouring bed): looks fearfully at the syringe full of blood and then at the doc, he must be wondering, ‘will i be next?’

doc: ok liao la ah pek. ler hui sek hor… and walks away
doc: you rest well…

ah pek: resigned to his fate, retires grumpily and continues to complain to his neighbours…

at this juncture, if the doc returns to the cubicle again with another tray, all other patients in the ward (who are still alert and communicative) will practically sit up with trepidation, their ears all pricked up in anticipation…

***the terror in the ward***

medical student saunters with tray for blood taking towards the direction of an old man…

old man (on seeing student): kiu miah ah! kiu miah ah! (help! help!)

student takes a 180 degrees turn and takes off on his heels…

***a different sort of mute-ness***

today, to my great excitement (as well as heartfelt sadness for the patient) and maybe to the patient’s great chagrin, i saw a patient with severe expressive dysphasia with an element of receptive dysphasia (probably quite mild). For the non-medical, here’s what expressive dysphasia feels like:

imagine understanding everything people around you are saying, and understanding what they ask you, but being unable to answer them.
for example, you are unable to name objects (like pen, paper, nurse…), you are unable to say your name, your age or tell people anything at all. You might still be able to write them out, or draw them out, though very likely, both faculties were affected as well.

in receptive dysphasia, you cannot comprehend people around you. it’s a strange feeling isn’t it? to wake up after a short period of confusion or loss of consciousness and realise that the whole world is speaking in a language you don’t understand! and when you try to say anything, it comes out all wrong, wrong words, incomprehensible language, totally unintelligible!

To put it succinctly, it’s like playing pictionary and taboo where almost all words are taboo and where your hands are all bandaged up so you can’t draw properly!

sighz.