Literally heard this while eavesdropping over lunch: Singaporeans ah, only know how to complain this and complain that, whole day complain complain complain, like a nation of complain kings and queens, but this time round ah, you know, actually got some good things come out from the haze leh…
But the rest are my own input (with some inspiration from Mr Brown).
1. No money for travel? The haze is here to the rescue, bringing the grey skies of foggy wintry UK right to your doorstep!
2. No money to create a romantic experience for your S.O.? No worries, just choose an al fresco dining place and let the haze create the smokey effect for ya!
3. Money no enough? Just avoid bathing or washing your hair (preferably long) for a couple of days, then prey on cataract-impaired old folks or other scaredy cats for their money! Voila! Problem solved!
4. No money to prevent BO? Or to smell great? Haze no. 113 is here to help hide your BO by giving you this musky, tangy, husky scent…
5. No desire to go to IMH? Do this…
Secretary: Hello, are you MS xyz? I’m calling for Dr abc, why aren’t you all at tutorial?
MS: Hel…. *wheeze* lo.. *wheeze wheeze wheeze* Do biphasic *wheeze* Hang up.
6. Fear not if you cannot answer questions in the tutorial, the haze will lend you a hand with the smokin’…
7. Dun wanna do NS?
chao geng kia: Loctor, HAZE… I cannot breathe!
Dr: You don’t chao geng la…
chao geng kia: But Loctor, the haze really make my asthma very bad, I cannot breathe! You see…
I *wheeze* can *wheeze* not *wheeze* breathe *wheeze* properly *wheeezzzeeee*
Dr: ok lor, downgrade you to PES E, excuse breathing…
PS: This was adapted from Mr Brown’s What the Haze. It’s damn funny, go listen!
8. Mother of all excuses:
A: Eh, let’s go play tennis leh…
B: No la, so hazy, catch no ball!Golfer A: (hits ball at direction of his enemy), then shouts, FORE FORE!
B: *kaplunk* (kena hit)
Golfer A: The haze lor, so hazy I can’t see where the ball went lah!
9. In the ward…
Pt 1: Loctor, why my eyes so itchy?
Dr: C class ward mah, open air, haze! (Tears Naturale BE 2 drops/PRN in IMR)Pt 2: Loctor, my throat itchy…
Dr: Cuz during the op, we put a tube in your throat to let you breathe…
Pt 2: Huh, what tube?
Dr: Oh nvm la, haze lah, haze lah… you’ll be fine when the haze clears…
Run out of options, blame everything on the haze! woohoo!
10. Perfect opportunity to save on fuel…
Traffic police: Oei, you, what oil you using huh?
Car owner: the shell one lor… Unleaded one u know!
Traffic police: Very suspicious you know, why so much black smoke huh?
Car owner: Not me hor, it’s the haze, the HAZE!!!
