The Surprise Prize

Disclaimer: These accounts are a humorous take on our all-too-serious lives. Please try not to use the meaner replies. After all, it’s just part of their jobs. However, I really wish that these callers would stop lying, and just be frank about doing what they’ve really called to do. I hate liars.

Caller: (hyper tone, like manic me) GOOD EVENING, SIR/MDM! I’M ‘THE PERSISTENT FAKE’ CALLING FROM ‘WE-ARE-OUT-TO-MAKE-U-INVEST COMPANY’! CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU’VE WON OUR 3D2N TRIP TO TIMBUKTU, AND YOU WILL BE STAYING AT THE LUXURIOUS ULU-HOTEL! FIVE STAR!

You: Erm, huh? What prize?

Caller: VERY FANTASTIC PRIZE! YOU ARE SO LUCKY! YOU JUST HAVE TO COME DOWN ANYTIME YOU ARE FREE, TO LISTEN TO A VERY SHORT PRESENTATION AND THEN YOU CAN COLLECT YOUR PRIZE!

What he really means is: YOU JUST HAVE TO COME DOWN ANYTIME FOR US TO COAX, CAJOLE AND PRACTICALLY FORCE AN INVESTMENT DOWN YOUR THROAT BEFORE YOU FINALLY COLLECT YOUR FREE GIFT OF A DISPOSABLE CAMERA BECAUSE WE’VE RUN OUT OF THE PRIZE OF A TRIP TO TIMBUKTU…

Here are some choice ways of responding…

ONE
You: Oh, but I thought the prize is supposed to be this 50 inch flat screen TV with surround sound? So I really won that! WOW! When can I come to collect it?

TWO
You: Hmmm, sounds good, but can change the prize or not huh? I dun want to go what Tim-too-where? Can go Las Vegas or not? There I heard very cool leh, got stripping girls and big big casinos! Or maybe I can change it to this latest model computer, got the Windows wat Vista one? Haiya, or else like that lah, change to cash can? Can or not huh? Huh? Why you so quiet… What about changing to NTUC vouchers? I dun mind too!

THREE
You: Er, this prize isn’t really attractive. I just came back from a world tour… so yeah, I think I’ll give it a miss…

FOUR:
You: Actually I know what this is all leading. I’m just a poor student, with no money and no authority to invest (even if I had the money), so I think let’s not waste your time any further, yeah? And thanks for calling, really appreciate that.

And if you’re really mean…

FIVE
You: FYI, I did not participate in any lucky draw or fill in any coupons lately with my details. And don’t say that it’s an automatic draw and don’t think I dunno you just want to lure me down with the idea of a PRIZE so that you can force me to buy some electromagnetic cushion for 2k, or dump in 5k to some timeshare rite? I know there’s no free meal in this world… Haha… busted!