When I was in M1, I saw this group of imposing, non-smiling medical students in cool-looking white lab coats (then, coats were still allowed in the library), all wearing blue tags. I turned to my neighbour and askked: ‘Eh, blue name tag is what year arh?’ And my neighbour probably said something like, ‘Dunno leh, issit like Karate belt colours? So blue must be quite senior huh?’
In M2, when I saw the year 5’s, I thought, ‘Aiyah, still long way to go for me lah, better finish mugging this thick set of notes about bugs and worms and watnots… Don’t think so far ahead lah… Year two only, small fry… ‘
In M3, whenever the year 5’s passed me in a cloud of wisdom, I would stop, and stare at them from below their pedestal… My jaws would go slack, my eyes turn glassy and dream about when I could be so knowledgeable and cool like them.
When M4 came, medicine became a series of shitty days (and nites), patho dulled my senses and I looked at M5s with fear and awe in my eyes. I wonder, ‘Wow, when will I ever be like them?’ Cuz they were just so, well, they looked so ready for the exam! I was so impressed when my senior took a history of haematuria!!! haha…
Now when I think back, I realise, the cloud of wisdom that so often enveloped the M1-4s (as the final yrs walked by) could just be ’smoke’, cuz I do a lot of ’smoking’ these days… No wonder so hazy in my room. And I feel far from knowledgeable, prepared, cool and all that crap that the impressionable M3 me had believed… In fact, I just feel like a load of crap. Seriously. I AM SO NOT PREPARED FOR THE MBBS!!!
