The Persistent Sales Promotor

Caller: Hello, Good evening! I’m Edwin, I’m calling from NPC (New Product Company, NOT nasopharyngeal cancer, ok) We have this fantastic new product that can help you save electricity, and water bills too! May I know if you’re the owner of this house?

You may now choose the following ways to reply:

ONE
You: (put on fake accent) No. Mam (pronounced as ‘mum’) and Mister not in. They on long holiday. I maid, Maria.

TWO
You: (pitch voice higher) Hello uncle! Mummy and Daddy not in leh. Bye bye!

THREE
You: Oh, yes! This really is a very good product! I just bought it a few days back from your colleague Tom/Dick/Harry/George/Mark/Steven/Jason (take your pick…)

FOUR:
You: (robotic voice) You have reached the mailbox of Mr and Mrs We-Hate-Sales Promotors. Please leave your name, number and address after the beep and we will get back to you as soon as we’ve finished our job of exterminating the previous promotor… BEEP!

And if you’ve had a bad day…

FIVE
You: ORH! You still dare to call huh? That day I buy from your colleague, some Dick (head), and he say wat can save electri-ty? And water huh? But my gas bill shoot up leh! And my electri-tee keep getting cut off! What product is this? I want to complain! Who is your boss huh? I complain to him about your friend, that Dick-dunno-what. I also want to complain to CASE ah! You people out to cheat my money! I think I also get my friend, the Mr Seng to write letter and complain to Straits Times! I think… I also want to complain to the RC and the minister ah!

Disclaimer: These accounts are a humorous take on our all-too-serious lives. Please try not to use the meaner replies. After all, it’s just part of their jobs.