The Pensieve

My second Marhurka today!

YAY…

so happy :)

My MO so nice to let me do it though he was itching to go home post call. :)

First, I lost the tickets for Harry Potter barely 10 min after collecting them at the counter.

Then, upon seating ourselves, I realised I’d booked the WRONG seats. Wanted the 3rd last row, but booked the 3rd row from the front instead. Bugger!

Lastly (at least this wasn’t my blunder), my friend carelessly left his mobile at the cafe.

Haiz.

Work IS getting to us. Sigh.

Anyway, Potter review coming soon!

One of the most anticipated books for me. Hehe, the first time I’ve ever ordered a book! I didn’t do this for previous HP books, but I figured I wouldn’t be able to get time off work to properly queue up for a book so…

Turns out it was the right move!

The book came on Saturday, when I was post call… Haha I ended up not sleeping that day!

The Review

This final book puts a beautiful finishing touch to the entire series. A mesmerising story in a parallel magical world. A world that’s been very real to lots of people, courtesy of the wonderful weaving of the plot and character developement by JK Rowling. The charming love story between Hermione and Ron, Harry’s angst - as a child caught up with burdens beyond even an adult’s shoulder, Neville - who by sheer determination and courage became a hero. And of course Luna, who is unforgettable with her Crumple Horned Snorkack. (in fact she reminds me of Nala).

This final installation wraps up all loose ends really nicely, it’s like how things come full circle. All those characters that are mentioned in passing are revealed and we learn more about the complex magic that involves Harry and You-Know-Who.

The weakest link in this book would be the middle part, which Rowling devoted entirely to having Harry, Hermione and Ron on the run while hunting for the Horcruxes. It’s kind of loosely tied in with the rest of the novel, and makes the reader feel really isolated from the outside world, but I suspect that was her aim.

The final great battle was quite dark, in fact, the entire book is really really dark, it is so not for kids anymore! haha… guess all those kids who were kids when they read book one are now ‘old’ enough to stomach this final installment! It reminded me of the final battles in LOTR…

Hmmm… Just go read the book! I’ve gotta read it again!

I was so pissed I just walked away today.

I cannot take any more crap like this.

Whoa, imagine my horror when I realised I’d have to run half the ward with boss only! And of course mostly boss ain’t at the ward…

Thank goodness got SIP student, I tell ya, I think this SIP is one of the best amongst this group of SIPS. She’s got the initiative, the patience and the knowledge! Very good at practical procedures too! She’s gonna make a good HO. Heh. Should take her out to dinner one day soon!

Anyway, the ’singer’ aka my MO was down with a bad cold courtesy of moi, the reg was away spending quality time with his family and poor Prof was down with a cough too! Aiyo so paiseh, my cough has spread to my whole team!

But despite the work load, it felt pretty good. I felt IN CHARGE! Hmmm I guess perhaps I know what spurs me to work, OWNERSHIP of my patients!

It seems like irritation and apathy are two of the moods I experience most of the time. If apathy can even be counted as feeling something.

Irritation… There are innumerable sources at work:
1. Patients’ relatives: they demand and demand and demand, and demand and demand… If you freaking want 24 hour attention from your team doctors and for them to be at your beck and call, then go get yourself admitted to A+++ class can! We do the best that we can but we can’t always be there!

2. Patients: especially those who are what we term ‘frequent flyers’, who get admitted but at the same time refuse to let nurses take their parameters, refuse get iv meds, refuse to follow fluid restrictions, then what are you getting yourself admitted for?

3. A&E
I’m so sorry spacefan and Jerwin, but sometimes A&E really admits cases that I (and my entire team) don’t feel need to be admitted at all!
How can A&E put ‘SOCIAL ISSUES’ as the reason for admission? The hospital is not a shelter for homeless people!
Why do people get admitted for hydration? When all they need is perhaps a couple of hours of iv hydration, and iv anti-emetics, after which they can continue safely with ORS? (and these people are healthy 30-40 year olds who aren’t that severely dehydrated either) Do you know we discharge these people on the same day?
And issit the A&E clerk who decides which patient gets admitted where? Cuz this job should be left to someone with a modicum of medical knowledge, not all patients who are ESRF should be admitted to renal, especially when they are in for entirely NON RENAL reasons!
(Ok ok I know that A&E also faces some shit from BMU and other stuff, but I just felt the need to vent over here.)

4. CPSS (this darn stupid inefficient system, stop telling us to work faster if your stupid basic machines can’t even function at a decent speed!)

There’ve been so many times when I’ve been so enraged by patients or their relatives that I feel like throwing the temperature chart in their face and telling them to go admit at a private hospital instead. But must REN REN REN!!! Lately though, I’ve become quite immune, I just let all the bad karma wash over myself, keeping myself demurely detached from the crap their give me. Why should I get emotional over these worthless issues?
Sometimes I indulge in a superb eye roll when I’m in private. Heh. My extraocular muscles are very agile these days!

Apathy… I guess it’s cause I’m too tired these days. I stop to feel. Even if my patients thank me or relatives hug me (yes, the wife of a patient at KRW actually hugged me on call), I don’t feel much happiness, sure I’m glad and relieved but I’m not thrilled to bits cuz I really don’t feel like I did lots to help them recover. Sigh.

And no I’m not feeling sorry for myself nor am I regretting, I’m sure that when life isn’t that busy, I’ll be able to appreciate the work I do more.

Yeah, and please don’t come and ‘comfort’ me, it irritates the hell out of me.

There’s just this ONE thing I fear post call.

I call it the…

ACUTE TRANSIENT POST CALL POST TRAUMATIC STRESS REACTION aka POST-CALL SHORT-LIVED DELIRIUM.

It involves a transient fluctuating consciousness, which usually occurs after the dr takes a nap and wakes up when night has fallen. He/she becomes disoriented to time, being unable to tell whether night has fallen OR dawn is coming and he/she has to get to work. Ie. If you woke up at 630pm, you might think it’s 630am and then panic, thinking that you’d woken up late for work!

The weirdest acute stress reaction I had was today… I was dreaming abt my patient who needed a femoral perm cath… and blah blah (patient confidentiality) and then I woke up panicking, under the impression that emergent HD was required but no vascular access and aiyo I was so ganjiong I dunno why I went to call my surgery HO friend, and the best part was, I called the wrong hospital’s surgical HO. Thankfully, that person was post-call too, so apart from getting his beauty rest interrupted by weird questions abt vascular surgery and HD, and an unecessarily garbled person’s insane ramblings… and attempt to cover up the blotch (cuz I realised called the wrong person and then also wondering why the hell I callling them anyway), nothing really bad happened. Haha… This is so embarrassing. Heng I don’t have the vascular pple’s contact no. of tomorrow I’ll be infamous in that dpt!

Moral of the story: Life can be simple, and IS simple, at times…

Roll Out The Barrow
A man who worked in a large factory was stopped on his way out every night as he wheeled out a wheelbarrow full of straw. Each night the suspicious security guard would sift through the straw to make sure the employee wasn’t stealing, each night he found nothing but straw. Years later the man was retiring and as he left the guard said that he knew he was stealing something all these years, what was it. The retiree answered “wheelbarrows”.

MY LIFE IS VERY SIMPLE NOW.

WORK, EAT, WORK, CALL, WORK, SLEEP, EAT, SLEEP, WORK, EAT, WORK, CALL, WORK, WORK, EAT, SLEEP.

And so my reg went: I think you better go and see a doctor!”

Me: I’m seeing one now!

My MO went: Come turn around…. (ok no wheeze), you know how to use the cylindrical thingy that u turn?

Me: You mean turbuhaler?

MO: I think so…

Me: Yeah, theoretically speaking.

—

And so everyone nags and nags at me to go home to rest today and what do I do?

I go vivo to meet my friend that I hadn’t seen for ages! haha… Tomorrow sure kena scolding from them la… But seriously, in this line, I think sooner or later you take illness as part and parcel of work. Sigh.

—

Reg: Why don’t you all use your dialect name?

Me: Huh, dun want lah, then they’ll call me lychee!

Reg: HAHA YEAH! You know how the call the nurse Yan Ping - yuebin (mooncake) rite?

Me: Oh, you haven’t heard the worse, just wait till you hear what my MO calls me!

It’s the time of the year! Our slaves (ooops, I mean student interns) have arrived! All these fresh new faces to brighten up the ward, the eagerness to learn… At times it feels pretty odd to me, cuz just not long ago, I was one of them. Now, I’m one of the overworked disgruntled fry at the bottom of the food chain.

Ok, it’s not that work life is so crappy, but it’s a far cry from student days. One thing sure, I think the SIPS are quite good with their practical skills so far! Kudos to mine during calls. They’re great company and do help to speed things up a little!

But then they do turn up the heat. How am I expected to teach them anything when I still feel like I have not fully ’settled in’ yet? Sigh.

I am finally starting to feel a tad disillusioned.

Or perhaps I’m just… tired.